Husband & I Would Never Fly Such Friendly Skies

By Celia Rivenbark

I don’t think I have ever read a more unbelievable news story than the one last week about a husband and wife who used their iPads to safely land their small plane when its electrical system failed.

I’m not amazed that you could land a plane with an iPad. I got one and it does everything but roll over and ask me to scratch its belly so, yeah, I get that.

What shocks me is that this couple managed to focus on the task at hand and calmly communicate with one another while flying 80 miles in pitch black darkness.

There was not a single media report of the unnamed married couple, at any time, blaming each other for “not checking the electrical system before we left,” “expecting me, who can’t even figure out how to change the time on the microwave, to suddenly LAND A FREAKING PLANE using this gizmo the kids gave us.”

No judgments. No recriminations. No screeching. I wasn’t in the cockpit, obviously, but it seems like this couple showed an otherworldly calm in the face of death.

How else do you explain their deliberate monitoring of airspeed and altitude as they landed their plane, sans landing gear, on a little-used runway in Rapid City, S.D.?

En route from Wyoming to Wisconsin, this couple should, at the very least, have a statue made entirely of cheese erected in their honor once they get back home.

I can tell you exactly how this would’ve played out if Duh Hubby and I had been in that cockpit.

DH: “The electrical system has shut down completely. I want you to try to get the airspeed on your iPad and I’ll work on altitude till we can land this puppy.”

Me: “Our Father, who art in heaven…”

DH: “We have to sync our iPads right now! We’re going to go down in flames unless we can do this!”

Me: “Right. Roger that. Hey. What’s my password?”

DH: “You don’t know your own password?”

Me: “I can’t remember it but I think it’s ‘I’M FLYING COMMERCIAL FROM NOW ON INSTEAD OF USING THIS DUMB BUTT PLANE YOU GLUED TOGETHER LIKE IT WAS A BOOKCASE FROM IKEA.'”

DH: “Oh, for heaven’s sake. Give me your iPad; I’ll do it.”

Me: “Hallowed be thy name…”

DH: “Give it here!”

Me: “OK, but don’t lose my place. I’m serious. It took me forever to find that chicken cacciatore recipe.”

DH: “You know this wouldn’t have happened if you had let me buy the next model up. But noooooooo…”

Me: “I don’t know why we have to fly ourselves everywhere. There’s not even a BATHROOM in this thing. Which reminds me. I really have to go…”

DH: “Are you serious right now?”

Me: “Well, you rushed me out of Wyoming. I don’t want to die having to pee…or having secrets. I should tell you… these aren’t real.”

DH: “Whaat?”

Me: “That’s right. They’re Airwalks from Payless, not real Uggs.”